HOT
APP
STORIES
QUIZZES
DISCOVER
MEMES
EMOJI
More
CREATE STORIES
DAILY
DISCOVER
PHRASES
NUDGE CLIPS
CONTENT REQUEST
LOGIN
HOT
APP
STORIES
QUIZZES
MEMES
EMOJI
STORY
DAILY
PHRASES
DISCOVER
NUDGE CLIPS
REQUEST CONTENT
×
Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
- You're 10 weeks, right? - Monday I'll be 10 weeks.
- Yeah. - Sexier, better-looking people?
The Philadelphia Inquirer.
You know, there is something else that we could do.
- That's true. - We may want to think about fixing a lot of things...
- What's going on? - I don't know.
Wrote a column about writing columns.
- Are you sure? - Come here.
- Now, who am I again? - Oh, please.
[Grunts]
We get pulled over, we explain-
- [Chuckling] - Why is that funny to you?
[Sade Playing]
Marley is a spirited dog who loves interaction.
- Are we getting hot or cold? - [Jennifer Laughing]
Dude, that was not cool.
- Jawohl. - I got it.
It's empty, John, that's what's wrong with it. You know what else is empty?
Come on!
I had to pull him off three dogs today.
Okay, I'm ready. Put an exclamation point here.
I could imagine if John would wrap to his kids Patrick and Connor who are eight and 10 The song would be ice ice baby Jenny honey be quiet there trying to sleep
Well, sometimes life comes up with a better idea. I'll tell you what.
Tried to write a column about anything but Marley. Nada.
[Baby Crying]
Come on. Come on, boy.
[John] Marley, no.
No, no, no, no.
- I just think it's time for a change. - I'm 40,Jen.
How many people can you say that about?
- Yeah. What's step three? - It's easy.
Never let him off leash unless you have complete confidence.
Really?
[Barking, Squealing]
Marley! Marley, no! Marley! Marley! Marley!
Marley. Marley.
- [Barking] - Please.
- Completely. Yes. Thank you. - Really?
Aah. Ooh. Oh, God.
- You don't seem very thrilled. - No, it's a promotion.
[Exhales, Groans]
Not able to get the tube down there.
[Sighs] Do you want me to come down there?
Met his new girlfriend Sasha. Met his other new girlfriend Angie.
'Cause I'm doing a good job.
He shows up for the fourth quarter.
[Horns Honking]
Happy, happy
A waterlogged stick will do just fine.
El Padrino-Yeah. He says, "I read your piece on Gadhafi...
- I'm gonna do it myself. Forget it! - You don't have to.
- Marley! - [Women] Puppy!
- Things don't change. - That's right. [Laughs]
Marley, bad dog! Marley! Marley, stop it!
Mortgage.
a mushy guy would tell you he's proud of you, give you a hug and send you on your way.
You remember chewing up that ear?
Jenny, yes, we had a fight, but I still love you.
Can be male, female- Whatever sex he wants.
You know, when it's time.
Well, is it what you want?
Don't believe any of it for a minute.
Right from the beginning she had me in her sights.
You got a little more white around the temple...
I see you-you finally got a little girl, huh?
- You did okay too. I'll see ya. - I'll see ya.
Pretty sure
Honey, the dog's got my-
of saying now's not the right timing.
The very next day Patrick hey dad I need a little help putting this toothpaste on my toothbrush John yeah well Patrick do you know what you Gotta do what you Gotta bullshit no I mean literally put this on my toothbrush no I I know that but you got a push it
Jenny?
I love you.
I mean, don't get me wrong. It's a good piece, but you're reporting now, John.
- Hey! - Correct him!
Come here. Come here. That's okay.
John. John, you're the comic voice of south Florida.
[Indistinct Conversations]
[Door Opens]
- [Crying Continues] - Here we go. Oh, oh, oh.
[Sniffles]
Went snorkeling with them. Cut my leg on a piece of coral.
Marley's not going anywhere. Honey, I'm sorry.
What do you guys think? We might live here one day... if we can afford it.
- Oh, he's... big. - Oh, yeah. He's a hundred pounds.
No, it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt her.
which also happened to be the day of the worst freak spring blizzard...
[Woman] That's okay. They can't leave for three weeks anyway.
[Grunts]
A year ago, you couldn't wait to be done with your column.
Uh-oh. Here comes the old pro.
- Yeah. - I just- I don't want to be one of those people...
Mmm. Well, you know, that's true for beagles.
[Woman #2] Really?
Again? Good thing I got a watchdog.
or big homes or designer clothes.
[Barking]
- What were you doing? - Obituaries, methane leaks.
He's gonna have this picture next to his byline for the next 20 years.
- Hey, little Marley. - Can I hold him?
- Are you sure? - I am very sure.
[Squealing Continues]
- You're home early. - That's right.
[Groaning]
- God! - You all right? You all right?
Wow. Okay. Yeah. Eleven. That's a lot of thunderstorms.
I know I did, but I think we both know that isn't me.
[Baby Crying]
- Because we don't wanna have a car crash- - And feel all right
- Exactly. - And a dog.
I don't know if I'm better. I-
- Come on. - [Chuckling] Oh, God.